In 1999 I bought a trailer, a 1979 22.5 foot Vanguard, and called it home for a while as I worked in Joffre, Alberta during construction of the the poly-ethylene plant. It was old at the time, but in excellent shape, and came with absolutely everything. All I had to do was put food and beer into it, and I was good to go. It was heavy compared to newer models, but pulled like a dream because of it, and somewhere along the line I Christened it “The Red Whale”.

I lived in it for several months, and once I was done there I brought it home to park in my driveway. I used it only occasionally over the next few years, with the last time being somewhere around 2007. It has sat idle since, sometimes covered with a tarp and sometimes not, weathering the years as expected, with the cost of tire replacement always being the hurdle to its use.

By whatever circumstance, I found recently that trailer tires could be purchased rather cheaply, setting in motion the reconditioning of everything in preparation to be set out to sea once more. The list was long and vague at first, only to lengthen as time passed, yet within a few weeks the challenges were overcome, and it now looks to be time for a second Christening. What follows is a detailed account of the process.

There, I blew out as much dust as I could, and removed the burner assembly for a good cleaning with a wire brush. There was quite a cloud, and given what was removed physically from the burner itself, I decided then that I would need to give the same treatment to every appliance.

The rest of that effort was uneventful. Replacement, re-connection of the lines, and ultimately starting the unit went relatively straight forward, with only a little doubt upon first firing it up. The pause before the fan kicked in once fully lit, and the smell of dust burning off, was a little too strong and a little too long for comfort, but the fan did kick finally kick in. The heat was as good as new, and a view of the flame from the burner was virtually perfect… as in WOW, that is a nice flame.

Next, was the water heater, which was a different experience altogether. Here, I found a leak. My heart fell. Small, hard to hear, but a leak just the same. Once filled with water, and finally pressurised, it made itself evident with a small hiss, and finally a puddle which appeared along the side of the casing, serving as clear evidence the problem was within the unit itself. Oh, what to do?

I found the leak to be a little pin-hole at the bottom of the tank, near what turned out the be the low waterline, with the design of the drain spigot leaving over an inch of water in the tank year round. Over the years, rust had found a way through the ceramic coating inside, and pssssssss…. Scratching at it quickly enlarged it to dime size, which I later cut out for possible mending in the future.

So, for the time being, the solution to this problem was to bypass the water tank altogether, and suffer with cold water until I could find a solution. I have spent a career watching boilers being rebuilt, and this was no different. Given knowledge of the situation, and anticipation of a still functioning gas valve, I expect to be able to use it again with confidence for several more years. Sucks, but we still have water.

The fridge, accessed from the outside, was an utter disaster of birds nests and dust, but aside from a thorough cleaning and some tending to oxidized electrical connections, it fired up without any complaint at all. Nice little blue flame. Two out of three ain’t bad.

And so it went. The stove and oven worked. All the interior lights worked. The water pump made noise when I hit the switch, but would have to be checked later once the holding tank had some water in it, and that concluded the interior check at that time.

The next mission was the exterior lighting, tail lights, signals, running lights, etc. I hooked the truck up and had perhaps 20% working on the first go. Ok, there was at least power at the plug.

I ended up completely removing the tail-lights, and rebuilding them as best I could – sanding, soldering, splicing – until I had success with each light. Here, a battery charger as a 12v supply saved a lot of headaches, and so did patience, as I went through the same routine, front to back, with every running light. They all came off and were re-conditioned in a similar manner, with the front ones getting a complete rewiring – eliminating the serious design flaw common to most Christmas lights from that era. For an old girl, this thing has a lot of running lights, and once I was done it was a sight to behold. All were working again, as were signals, emergency, and brake. Check. ** This didn’t last long, a future posts will explain. **

The only thing missing was the porch light, which still functioned, but the sun had eaten the cover so it needed to be replaced. Princess Auto had a good quality light in their surplus area, but it was lacking a switch. A few renovations allowed me to use the old switch in the new light, and that was it for lighting. Noyce! I now know that most outdoor lights are orange soas to not attract the bugs, but meh… I can get an orange bulb for that.

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Now the fun – ugh – began. Cleaning. I used to smoke, see. A pack a day type thing, and so everything needed a scrub. Although sun-bleached and brittle, the curtains came down and went into the wash to see what happened. They did not survive and, after we stopped laughing, they found their way onto the “to do” list, which I quickly passed off to Cassandra, and returned to the business at hand.

Scrubbing then began with the ceiling and fixtures, and as I went, each area changed color. The longer I was as it, the more evident it became that EVERYTHING was going to get the treatment. By the time I was done, the oven, stove, fridge, sink, toilet, tub, and floors had been scrubbed, and I repaired as I went.

The two wires that had fallen out of the divider were stapled up and fixed. The light over the bed was moved and re-hung. The light cover over the sink finally placed properly in its holder. The upper bed was glued, screwed and renewed.

The fan in the bathroom which the sun ate was replaced. This was a lot more work than it looked, as the new fan had different dimensions and sucked the screen up into it once activated, which was loud and would ultimately be destructive. The solution (hack) was a little strip of aluminum bent to shape and affixed just below it. Ahhhh…

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One of the vent covers was replaced. The seat base was nailed back together. The oven…. well, lets just say sheeeeeiiittt. Brand new.

And that… was a long day, but I was amazed by the different person I was than years ago when I attempted, and abandoned, many of these same little repairs. Somehow, patience had entered into me, and perhaps a little bit of wisdom, but the result was success. Whatever it was, I’ll take it.

While doing all the inside work, I found it much easier to jack up the front of the trailer to put it on more of a level grade. This took 80 turns of the crank, and after the 10th time doing this, it got a little ‘clunky’ on the way down. I know I’ve never greased it, so off it came, and what a greasing it needed! One of the nice things about old stuff is it was designed with maintenance in mind. I didn’t need any special tools or insider knowledge on dismantling. It just came apart in pieces, went back together with ease, and what a difference it made. This would become important in a few days when the tires came.

With the inside scrubbed, it was time to move to the exterior, and the first among the chores was the canopy. The first foot or so, which was constantly exposed to the sun, was completely disintegrated, and while I certainly didn’t want to deal with it, even a casual glance could tell it wouldn’t survive highway speeds, let alone any sense of deployment, so it had to be done… but what exactly was “it”?

So began another process of careful dismantle and discovery, and here I was simply treading water in hope of a solution, vaguely thinking I might end up putting it aside as a lost hope. The leading edge of the tarp was sewn over a 1/4″ nylon rope which was then fed into a long track screwed every 4 inches to the roof line, but before this could come off, the arms and supports had to be removed first.

One at a time, off they came, and as they did, select plastic brackets and end-caps blew up in protest. Sun + Plastic = DUST. I also discovered that, like a garage door, the canopy roll was spring loaded, with this becoming evident when the end piece spun wildly upon removal. Oh… ok, so count the other side then… three turns each.

Then I removed the screws along the track at the roof line, and with the grace and agility of a monkey f**king a football, I carried the entire roll down a ladder and onto two rolling cabinets in the garage.

Without going into the whole process, I removed the track, cut off a foot, folded the end over a new rope, and slid it back into the track. I didn’t have a big-ass sewing machine to stitch it up, so I did the next best thing I could think of. Using my staple gun, I first shot the staple through the material, and then folded down the “legs” on the other side. Tedious, but successful, I lost a foot of canopy, but not the canopy itself, and that ain’t so bad. Maybe I’ll find a solution for that another time. ** I later found the other end torn as well. **

Next, and most troubling, was a single slider bracket that broke along the way, which was utterly impossible to source today, yet equally as necessary.

I sat undecided for some time until lightning hit in the form of some marine epoxy I had recently purchased for another repair. I thought I could rebuild it, but it had to be strong enough to handle a rough ride down the highway without snapping like so often happens.

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So, I added “rebar” to it in the form of paper clips, made a little form, and poured epoxy “concrete” as if building a driveway. I know what it sounds like, and I don’t care. I had time on my hands, and sometimes I just like to see if something can be done vs. should be done. Anyways, it worked like a charm, and all that was left to do was file it into shape upon reassembly. Heh, if you can’t buy it, then build it. FWIW, this marine epoxy is tough as nails, even compared to the regular epoxy. I swear I could have thrown this at the ground and it would simply bounce.

The tires I had hoped to get from Uncle Wiener’s (glorified liquidation store), turned out to be a pipe dream, and more a run around instead, so once again Kijiji came to the rescue where I found four used trailer tires (50% tread) installed and balanced for $160. He even removed the tire from my spare for that price, so I was pretty happy. The reality of it was that his prior customer wanted new tires, he was left with half-used tires to deal with, and the cost of valve stems and balance beads let him turn a problem into profit. A good deal all around.

In preparation for this, I put the trailer up onto car jacks, using the tongue jack in stages to get it high enough to suspend all the wheels. Here is where the grease job earlier paid off in spades. With all the wheels off, I could inspected the bearings and electric brakes, and the only improvement made there was in tightening each castle nut a 1/8 turn. ** Later, more problems were found here. **

Note how dirty the back is, and how faded the colors are. The hubcaps, once shiny and chromed, had gathered surface rust like you would not believe, but a scrubbing with coarse steel wool brought them back into shape, and to make it permanent this time (I hope), I gave them a spray with clear-coat polyurethane. Purdy.

Once the tires were done, the only problem was that he placed one of the tires onto my spare rim, which was slightly different from the others, so only three of my hubcaps fit. Grumbling, I knew I had to change tires to the other rim, and so I began only knowing I had to start before I could ever finish.

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As this was going on, the search was on for material to make new curtains. Fabricland wouldn’t let you into their store without a mask on, so screw them. This is like wearing a seat belt in a movie theater. Say what you want, I will not become a trained seal. You simply do not quarantine the healthy to protect the weak, and it’s amazing to me how many have simply lost their good common sense in the face of this constant badgering, but so it is today…. 145 dead in a province of 4.4 million = reason to shut down the entire economy. Aaaanyways… material was found on Kijiji that same day, and the building of new curtains began that night. It’s not the nicest material, but the price was great, and the scamdemic stayed where it belonged, in political theater.

Next, a scrub of the entire exterior, where mildew, moss, and mold had found their footings, was on order. I began on the rear, where I thought the worst of it would be, and this was close to true, but not quite.

Going over every square inch with a scrub brush, Brillo pad, or cloth, one side at a time, a whole layer of oxidized paint washed away as milk down the alley. By far the worst of it was on the north side where mildew spots were an utter bitch to scrub off, and I was already tired from the prior three sides. I couldn’t be stopped though, as I wanted none of this hanging over me, and the end of the day saw it done. Washing by hand inevitably finds every ‘wrongness’, which resulted in yet another small list, but that was OK. The result was worth the effort.

One of these was a repair of the entry step, which was bent somehow over the years. It was a pain to remove, but with it out of the way I was also able to repair the lower trim which was flopping about, and with a few well place *pings* of my sledgehammer, the stair was back in shape and reinstalled. Eventually, I went around the entire base trim and added a bead of silicone to shed the rain. Stupid design funneled water into the lip, where it rots the wood beneath. Not now…

Oh, all the little annoyances that were getting taken care of. This is the shit I live for. Problems that used to baffle me were now being taken care of with ease. Amazing!

By now I was getting excited and ready to move, so on went the propane tanks to fire up the appliances again for verification. That is when I found the propane line to the water tank needed plugging. Whupps. This was solved with a short piece of gas line, a few ring clamps, and a bolt, replacing what was already there but in a different way.

With that done, everything fired up nicely, and Cass and I sat inside while it rained outside, and the heat came on to warm us up. What remained then was curtains, which were getting attention every night, and were turning out to be a lot more work than they first appeared.

Cutting, hemming, sewing, removing mistakes, re-sewing, ironing, until finally the day came when they could be hung. Whew! What a pile of work.

Sooooo retro, huh?

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The material purchased from Kijiji wasn’t quite enough to do all the curtains, so we made do with what we had, and used up some other stuff for the kitchen area. At first glance the gold was awful to the eyes, but the funky green valence on top sort of mellowed it out, and it ended up being kind of groovy after all.

There are still a few chores left undone, mostly because it has been raining for the past several days (thus this lengthy diatribe), but they can be dealt with anywhere along the way and aren’t important at the moment.

Our first destination is short, and close to home, thinking that this trial run should shake out anything left to be done. It will also put us through the process of actually using it, where other reminders are surely waiting. I wonder what we’ll discover along the way. Ahoy!!